just get up and go.

How fitting that a small break from reality and to grab some mental sanity would be to simply wander off into a snowstorm all the way down to the lake.
I wasn't sure if I'd end up with even one good photo from the adventure, I was just pushing my luck.
Yet --
Somehow, trudgning across town on foot, getting beaten down by blinding snow gusts and wind that never stopped -
I walked up to the lake.
Everything a pure, brilliant and blinding white and in the middle - just open space. It didn't seem like a lake, just a dark whole. The closer I got, the waves of the lake slowly made an appearence uderneath the darkness of the storm hovering over it.
No photos will ever do it justice and no words I could find right now could explain the magic of the whole scene that I was walking into.

There's just something magical about making your way through fresh snow. It doesn't matter if you're driving or just walking through it.
Everything's covered and out of a fairy tale, like a coma state or purgatory - it all looks like a dream and feels like one.
To focus on whats around you. To breathe in deeply. To enjoy the moment. When you forget about everything else in the world and even the conditions feel as if they couldn't hold you down.
The amazing beauty that nature gives us in all of its forms is the greatest medicine.

The conditions were something else, but I just kept shooting and shooting.

Past the first few shots I got, I couldn't see anything going on with my camera. The plastic bag I had it in was becoming just as snow and water covered as I was, making it even harder to know if I was even capturing anything worth it, or if a single one would even show up not a blurry mess.
But, I simply didn't care.
I just kept shooting and shooting, until the weather finally got to me.

Also, above is my friend Ash. ( ashcapvisions.com )

Right before I stepped out the door, I texted her and said, " if you're not busy, I have to walk by your house in a little bit to grab some smokes... let's go to the lake."
Props to her for answering and being about it, ready to go as soon as I got over there!

It was good to just get out, battle new circumstances and just create to create. Just let my soul find some peace and balance in just making something, whatever might come out.

Not only am I really stoked on all these images and just the freedom felt of the other day, but - in the middle of facing the storm, especially getting right next to the lake - we somehow managed to throw together a quick and completely spontaneous concept that I'm excited to share (tomorrow's blog post).

It's amazing the blessings around us. I've been in a really strange spot for some months now, but these are the things that keep me feeling alive the most.
Thanks if you made it all the way through!

lost in a hole somewhere between here and -

Model: Bianca
IG: @bianca.eye
NJ.

Before,
life can give death
a chance to reach me
and before,
I can do anymore damage
to myself or this world -
let my heart find whatever
that it may in search of.

Always feel like I'm caught in a dream, like a purgatory and everything - good or bad - feels the same.
It's like I'm forever sleeping even in waking life. It's like part of my soul disappeared, or maybe it's always been missing, I can't remember anymore.
I've been stuck in the middle of one long wave with no break in sight.

Lost somewhere in a hole; these nightmares, they're speaking to me in tongues. I'm riding on the wave watching the sky turn to fire. Asking myself, "do I want to make it out of here to see the light?" I'm just not sure if I'm up to being saved, because hell - it feels like home.

I've been getting these visits in the night and I've been speaking to the dead, they've been keeping me from completely unraveling. They've been reminding me that I still have more time left in a world that keeps throwing me away.
I'm ready to feel all of this.

It's in the places that we fear the most,
where we truly find out who we are.

That our darkness becomes our light.

me vs. who i am vs. who i want to be.

A small self portrait series.
Charlotte, NC.

I am my wishes.
I am my dreams.
I am my good days.
I am my bad days, too.
I am all of my fears.
I am my deepest regrets.
I am always lost inside
of my head and that's
okay.

It can all feel so unfortunate,
but remember,
sometimes -
the blessings are hidden
in starting over again.
And -
what's one more,
after a thousand times before? 

I've already killed tomorrow.

Model: Mandee
Manhattan, NYC

In my head, I've already killed tomorrow. And, I know that it's all just in my head. But still, the days slip by before I can even notice. They slip right on by me and well, I don't give anything a good chance anymore.

Oh, what this life does to us. And oh, the secrets that every single one of us holds. Can you look back into your reflection these days or are you dodging yourself at every turn? Which side of the coin do you stand on? 
Oh, the things we've seen and done, raise your glass high and make peace to the things better off forgotten.

with my thoughts and a dial tone.

Model: Natalee.
Chester, NJ

I felt the fever finally break and pass over the other night. There was this sudden moment and the spell finally felt broken, like I was lifted out of a deep fog and could finally walk away from all of this.
I've been sitting, waiting for this moment to hit me because, it's what I needed. I know that you can try to change at any point you decide, but I've learned that change means nothing if your mind and your heart can't align.
It was a strange moment, to feel so free and anxious to begin new again, but not having any idea on where to go from here. But, I guess that's all in the magic of life and how the light will always find it's way to you.